Navabi is doing a Curvy Blog contest, and I have been nominated. My guess is one of the longer-term bloggers will win, but here’s hoping this will get this blog out and noticed among the plus0sized blogging community!
If you want to help, take a moment and click on the image below and vote for me!
Today was a hard shopping day. The images in my head weren’t what I was seeing in the mirror. I was finding the right pieces, but the problem was me. I didn’t “fill them out” the same way as the images.
Part of the problem is that the girl in my head is about 2 sizes smaller (18ish). But this was more specific. I mentioned last post that the Peplum style didn’t work on me; that was because of that extra spare tire; there’s the boobs, then the extra, then the tummy. The peplum style needs a slim profile from just under the boobs to where it kicks out. I don’t have that without shapewear and since I was shopping for a trip out of time on an airplane, that seemed a bad idea.
Today I was looking for a pair of maroon/purple leggings/jeggings to wear with boots. And I found them. But but rather than a straight (albeit wide) line from the crotch to the ankle, I have a bulge on the inside of each thing just above the knee. When I turned sideways my legs looked more like a leg of lamb than the straight angled line that even a lot of plus-sized girls manage to get.
Was I being overly critical? Probably. That happens sometimes.
But one of the side effects of starting this blog has been that I am seeing more ideas and thinking more about what I wear than I ever have, and the result of that was BOUND to trip my inner critic eventually.
Of course, I don’t know who I think I’m kidding. I mean, I’m fat. I’ve been fat all my life. I will be fat all my life. Wearing a pair of leggings tucked into my boots is not going to somehow make that more obvious.
But I envy a lot of the girls who are comfortable in their size and wear things that they want. I worry that when I wear things like that people will think I am 1) wearing something that doesn’t fit, 2) trying to hard or 3) just plain foolish. In fact, few people have the time to think that hard about what someone else is wearing, but what my brain knows is not always passed through to my emotions.
Tomorrow I will go back and get the pieces I was looking at. I will turn off the inner critic and focus on listening to my brain. But for tonight, I’m not feeling so great about myself.
Today’s dress didn’t photograph well. It’s almost impossible in the picture to tell that this dress is colorblocked in blue, black and purple. For that reason I included the picture to the right as well – that is the dress from the Avenue website.
I’ve actually been chilly in the office lately, so I wore this with a short-sleeved black cardigan from Kohls.
Over that I threw on a bright gold geometric necklace. I don’t recall where I got this one, but nearly any bold necklace will work.
Shoes today needed to be somewhat practical, although I keep a pair of less practical shoes at work for when I want to dress up. It’s about a half mile walk to my office from where I leave the bike during the day, so it’s important that I wear shoes that won’t aggravate my feet for that walk.
There are a lot of reasons for this outfit, not the least of which is that I rode my bike to work today. I live 9 miles away, and for me on the road bike that isn’t particularly hard work. (I may be fat, but I can be healthy too.) Therefore my outfit needed to be wrinkle-proof, lightweight and easy to pack. This outfit meets all those criteria admirably. Heck, you could roll the dress into a ball and it would come out looking great.
The bike shop is supposed to be installing a rack and panniers on my road bike today so that I can carry cooler-weather outfits. When the temperature drops I will need to carry things like boots and heavy sweaters, and the messenger bag I have right now won’t do that.
Riding in also should explain why my hair isn’t looking quite right. I need to bring in a blow-dryer for my locker, but just haven’t had the extra space to carry one. Assuming the panniers are installed today, I will be doing that friday and get back to having my hair look acceptable on days that I ride. Then I can start considering whether I want/need a haircut or change of style. I am currently head over heels in LOVE with this look, but haven’t figured out how much work it would be to get my hair to do it and I’m a little scared of cutting bangs. Still, thinking hard…